Here is the list of things you should know if you are exploring web 2.0 online dating sites:
BE VAGUE. The more information you provide, the poorer the impression you will create, shows research by psychologist Michael I. Norton of Harvard University, media researcher Jeana Frost of Boston University and the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and psychologist Dan Ariely of M.I.T. People mistake vagueness for attractiveness, filling in the missing details in ways that suit their own desires.
BE ENTHUSIASTIC. When psychologist Larry D. Rosen of California State University, Dominguez Hills, asked women to choose between men who sent neutral e-mails (“I like my job”) versus enthusiastic e-mails (“I love my job!”), three quarters of the women said they preferred the latter.
HAVE COFFEE. If you think there is some potential for a relationship, move swiftly to arrange a brief, safe, face-to-face encounter. The volumes of information you get in such a meeting in just a few minutes quickly override any other impressions you might have formed in multiple e-mails or even phone calls.
DON’T PAY. Avoid high month-to-month fees-or any fees, for that matter-by looking for free membership deals or joining one of the gratis social networking sites. Beware the “pay to respond” sites that allow you to sign up without paying but then charge you before you can respond to any e-mails. Try free sites like Plentyoffish or Datemyride.
FORGET THE TESTS. Until scientifically validated, predictive tests are available online, don’t waste your time or money on sites offering to find your soul mate through testing. At this point, no one knows how to do such matching, no matter what the hype. And even if such tests do appear someday, remember the problem of “false negatives”: the test might mistakenly steer you away from your perfect mate.
DON’T GET HOOKED. The online dating environment is so huge that one can easily spend hours every day sending out e-mails, replying to those received and searching profiles. Unfortunately, almost none of that activity leads to a relationship or even to a phone call. Try to limit your online dating activities to no more than a few minutes a day-and don’t forget about the real-world alternatives: join a club or take classes.
BE HONEST. Although a certain amount of deception is normal in any dating experience, dishonesty ultimately backfires. It is important to present yourself in the best possible light, but do not get carried away.
MAKE CONTACT. Research by communications expert Andrew Fiore of the University of California, Berkeley, shows that the best predictor of how many e-mails people receive is how many they send. If you really want to find someone, don’t just sit there. Initiate contact and also respond to the interesting messages you receive.
INVOLVE YOUR FRIENDS. Look for online services that allow friends and family members to come online with you-preferably free of charge-and let them help you find your mate. To be healthy, dating should never be done in social isolation.
